I find comfort in writing philosophy.

Tucking my head under waves of thought brought a warmth and validity to my solitude

Well but of course I can’t be understood I seemed to be saying

In every day

In every way

Still I write in code words now. Looking for a place to hide inside my own choice of expression and

The blessing

Or the lesson in this is that I want to be…

Less pre fixed

More willing to be seen without the subtle paint of dreams

But what is that?

What am I without my dreams?

I’ve learned that I’m still…something

I begin to say that I could be the wind or a tree and I’d still matter but I’m beginning to dislike that comparison

It..however subtly seems to imply that the trees and the wind are reasonably seen as…perhaps not mattering all that much

As in

Why quantify it why make it nice why not say

This world has broken me down. This world has built me up. It’s often a human whom breaks and puppy or a tree that begins to help me heal, and they always eventually help me find my way to a human being

Someone who cares for that moment in times version of me, in a way that I need and I get to do the same for them

B

Over and over I’ve found myself in temporary two step with a particular human. I now see how my mind saw nature as one and people,not quite

I so badly want to hide in these lines again

Tuck in and begin to forget who I am but

I am

Me. So. It’s easy to be friends with nature. Dogs are loving, cats aloof in their immaculate affection, the trees dancing and offering shade and a chance to breathe…the frogs, the sun, the rain..

And sometimes I forget that people are like that too

Each of them, and that it’s not a failing to not know what that specifically is about each one of them. I tend to feel bad if I don’t see it implicitly or if I see things I don’t like but that’s life

You don’t gotta like everybody or everything about anybody TO like them

You can just exist I guess.

This poem perhaps is about having anxiety

Feeling like I’ll let the world down

Constantly trying to do the right thing and not mess anyone up.

I’ve been messed up by people who didn’t do it on purpose. Some made mistakes.

Some mistakes were the result of not trying to do something different and so I’ve tried hard to never be that careless with anyone or anything. I assume first that I probably will cause harm and do the best I can to not. It doesn’t always work. I don’t always end up feeling good about my choices because sometimes choosing me hurts others, no matter how I cushion it.

The thing is. Im hurting. Im needing and I can’t spend all my self loving on trying to save the world. I’ll probably never really stop, im just trying my best to make that world..mostly me

Again?

No I think..maybe for the first time.

(That is okay by the way, you have to begin sometime)

It is logical to care. That’s never been wrong