I don’t want to hang out with anxiety anymore

In every hallway and behind every door

There you are.

Waiting.

A grin skating across your chin as it dimples with glee

You know me, so well

You drown me in the past and suffocate me in the future and here I stand

Ghostly and waiting for you to come again

Because who Am I again and again without my friend

She asks

Who are you, do you know?

And I look at her , choking on every answer to every question because surely this is a test and I will not rest until I pass it

She laughs

The drab clothing on my back falling off as I dance away the feelings she’s given me

Surely she’s not even there

Surely she doesn’t exist

She laughs again

Conjuring memories of laughter and betrayal and being left behind,and my foot falters

I trip

and slip into the abyss that I once kissed

She’s waiting for me. As I tumble through walls barbed in stalactites,she grins

My skin tears and blood pools at her feet as she raises her hands high

She aims to catch me

And as the breath leaps from inside my chest I rest

Once again comforted in the bosom of what if

A spiral that feels like a gift of familiarity

A family

A home.

Dysfunction like I can remember and I find sweetness in your barbed words

Until I find myself, cloaked in your colors and all alone

You, finally victorious ..leave

And here I am

Covered in your sweetness, fluent in your speech and meek as you’ve taught me

For who Am I to be

But

They found me.

Wailing in the dark

Making homes out of rocks and a bed from the dirt

And they remembered

They remembered the ways you flirted with them, led them into joy only to leave breadcrumbs to their demise. They remembered your sweet promises and your heavy warnings

The shadows cast on sunny days that offer no shade,

And for the first time in a long time

They were looking at me. And I was being seen

As I’m furtively yearning to be

All

I Can be.

This new friend takes my hand, and we twirl

Faster and faster, my old friend flies away

And we, take off into the ethers to play,

another day.